R.A.G.

Ok, where do I begin? This is my Running After God (R.A.G.) story, or at least the most recent, as in this month, part of it. There is not a day where I stop seeking Him : D. I’ll start with my prayer a few months ago. I was in a place in my walk where I was standing still, and my heart was burning for something MORE. I continuously prayed for God to break me. I felt like the only way I was going to come to know Him more at that point in my life was if He completely broke me, and all I had left was Him. Needless to say He didn’t take His time to answer that one! Slowly things started falling apart in life. I kept telling myself “Wow, it can’t get worse. THANK YOU GOD.” HA! That’s what I thought. He wasn’t done, and continued, and still continues to make me more reliable on Him. I am so incredibly grateful for that!!So, I was seeking understanding of how long He is going to continue to break me. I mean, when is enough, enough?!?! Naturally I turned to prayer and my Bible-the best text message I have ever received! So, I open up my Bible, to the place I was reading last, and the devotional on the next page is “He Breaks Us to Make Us”! Like “Ok, God I see it, and I’ll read just please be nice. Lol. Side Note: If you know me, you know I cry about….well…nothing, unless I am really hurt. The devotional teaches from Genesis 32:22-32 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2032:%2022-32&version=31 “Jacob Wrestles With God”. It’s says simply that we are called God’s sheep for good reasons. Good shepherds (God) will relentlessly search for a lost sheep, and if a sheep refuses to follow his master he will take harsh action. Such as breaking the sheep’s leg, placing him upon his shoulders until he learns total dependence. It goes on to say that in this time we should cling to God as Jacob did and say “I will not let you go until you bless me.” We assume that God would never let us feel pain, but sometimes he does to make us better. After reading this I sat in my room and prayed over and over, literally crying and speaking “I will not let you go until you bless me”. I have never felt God take such a hold of my heart. He is SO amazing and even though it hurts I LOVE the way He works in us.

At the same time I had been reading How Good is Good Enough by Andy Stanley. Which, I highly recommend to all of you. This book basically explains how good is good enough to get in to heaven and most Christians live with this mentality. This is the wrong mentality. This message explains the concept if you are interested http://www.buckheadchurch.org/messages and scroll to the last one! This brought light to my relationship with Christ. I sometimes walk with so much guilt of things I have done “wrong” and not being the best light of the Lord that I can possibly be. Although, that is not necessarily the wrong way to feel; however, this is explaining that God has already forgiven us for alllllll of our wrong doings (sins) and that God never gave us a “good standard to live by” list to live up to! Because we love Him and know Jesus we ARE going to heaven by the mercy, grace and forgiveness that He has offered us through Him! Wow, God is soooo flippin good! : )

I have been seeking Him more than ever because He is continuously breaking me. I finally prayed the other night “God I’m broken! You have me and I’m not going to let go of You! When is this going to end?!” I guess until I really grasp Him and get it all. Lol. I Love Him.

So, I’m dealing with all of this brokenness. The next night I’m studying again and in a place where I was feeling really alone. So, of course I ran to my massive text message from God, my Bible, and began to read. First I started with my devotional that I’m in this year Beth Moore’s Praying God’s Word Day By Day. The prayer read:
At this moment, Father, I am choosing the way of truth. I want my heart on Your laws (Ps. 119:30) http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%20119:30;&version=31; . I want to choose the way of truth the rest of my days.Test me, O Lord and try me. (Which at this point I shouted well, not too much. Because I am going through enough right now! Lol) Examine my heart and my mind, for Your love is ever before me, and I desire to walk continually in Your truth (Ps. 26:2-3) http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%2026:2-3;&version=31; . Redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth (Ps. 31:5) http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%2031:5;&version=31; . Help me remember that nothing and no one can be redeemed without truth: the God of truth!Show me Your ways, O Lord. Teach me Your paths. Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long (Ps. 25:4-5) http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps.%2025:4-5;&version=31;

This has been my hearts yearning for MONTHS, so this prayer brought me to tears. I’m sitting there crying again, and thinking my God I have not cried like this or this often, for I don’t know how long! So, I continue to pray for God to comfort me and to just embrace me, and never let my heart go! Then, I move on to my Bible, and I think I wonder what this has to say about seeking God, as I am right now. I go to the index, and there is only ONE devotional on this. I’m like Ok God got it and reading it. I mean is He screaming at me or what? It’s entitled Reaching Acts 17:16-34 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts%2017:16-34;&version=31; . It illustrates that we are told to reach for the stars when it comes to our dreams, desires and/or passions (for all of my fellow R.A.G.-ers), and goes on to the technicality of it all. How hot the sun is, how it’s the biggest and closest star, etc… It exclaims how Paul preached to the people of Athens about God placing Himself on high so that we might seek Him, and how this still holds true. God promises that when we search for Him, we will find Him and be SATISFIED. It’s the last paragraph that had me crying like a little girl who had just fallen and scraped her knee.

Imagine the God of the universe wanting you to reach out to him-waiting in eager anticipation. Do you know what’s really remarkable? As you begin reaching toward God, you’ll find you don’t need to reach at all. (that is when I lost it!) He is not far. There’s no stretch. Our loving God is as close as our next breath-your next prayer. Jesus says, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me” (Rev. 3:20).

Yea, that makes my heart *flucker*. I was sitting there in my room just crying like a little girl, and God is sitting there rubbing my back saying “I love you so much, and I know it hurts, but I am going to bring you GREAT, unimaginable, good things from all of this hurt, loneliness and pain.” He is our Great Comforter, as I like to say. He is amazing, and I love Him so much. I only pray all of that love over you all too!! Seek Him with ALL of your being, and it will be hard. He WILL embrace you though!!!!

I hope this inspires you all to write your R.A.G. story. What is your most memorable moment seeking Christ?

What’s your R.A.G. story?

Thank you to all of you who have supported me through this time! God has answered a prayer with the friendship He is creating between us, and I am so grateful!

Love Love!
♥KB (Kera Bera)